Even In Her Sorrow
by AleInWonderland
Summary: "I was already gone and nobody knew it but me." Rosalie makes a startling decision that changes everyone.


**Author's Note: This is my second attempt at writing a Twilight fanfic. I'm actually liking this one so it may eventually be turned into a full-length story at some point. **

**Disclaimer: i do not own any of the people or places from the Twilight Saga. They all sadly belong to Stephanie; I just like to play with them.**

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><p>I'm sitting on the chaise lounge in my bedroom in the dark. Although cliche I enjoy the dark, it allows me to think in peace without the distractions that having the lights on would provide. I can hear Bella downstairs playing with Renesmee and it breaks my already dead heart to hear the soft and angelic laugh that escapes Ren. Bella got everything she didn't even know she wanted; the guy, the fairy tale wedding and most importantly the baby. She had always said that she didn't want kids, just Edward, but when she found out that she was carrying the miracle that is Ren she called me to help her save the child that she carried within her womb.<p>

Immediately after I hung up the phone with Bella I had stormed into Carlisle's office and demanded to know why he was willing to murder a miracle such as the one within Bella. He said that they had no clue what the monster; THE MONSTER; inside of her was and that they did not know what it would do to Bella. He told me that he and Edward were in agreement that the monster MUST be destroyed before it killed Bella.

I don't think that he realized that killing Bella's baby when she so clearly wanted it and was willing to die for it would be just as bad as her dying. She would feel dead inside after feeling that life growing within in her and then having it forcefully taken away from her. She would hate him and Edward for the eternity that she so badly wanted and beyond. Carlisle said that he felt that the pain of the change would cause her to forget the brief moments in which she was pregnant and that it would not pose a problem after she awoke from the change. I tried to make him see reason but all it wound up doing was making me even angrier at his ignorance.

I met Bella and Edward at the airport early the following day and I had never seen her look as scared of Edward as she did in that moment. She was absolutely terrified and my dead heart went out to her and in that moment I knew that I would do everything within my power to help her and her child. I made sure that she was never alone with Edward or Carlisle again after that. I became her second shadow and I finally started to see what everyone else in my family initially saw in Bella.

She was kind, selfless, determined and funny in her own way. My like and eventual love for Bella grew tenfold over the following month of her quick and very painful pregnancy but so did my jealousy. I hated seeing her so round and swollen with the child of the man she loved. I hated that she was the one who got to experience the miracle of a life growing within her and depending on her for its nutrients and I HATED that I would never be able to give Emmett the children that I knew he wanted.

As terrible as it may sound when the placenta detached itself in Bella's womb and she started bleeding like crazy and falling in and out of consciousness I sent up a brief but begging prayer that she would die while birthing the baby and that Emmett and I would get to raise a baby of our own. Immediately after though I retracted my prayer because as much as I wanted a baby I did not want Bella to die or for Edward to have to watch his mate die and then have to raise the child that for all intents and purposes killed said mate. Luck was on her side that day because she did not die due to the quick thinking and teamwork on Edward and the dogs part and three silent, scream-less days later she awoke to her new life, husband and darling daughter.

It's been almost a month now and I've tried really hard to be the best Auntie I could be but my jealousy has kept on growing and growing and now it practically consumes and taints just about every thought that I have. Don't get me wrong, I love Ren and Bella, I really do, but I am so damn jealous that it can't be healthy. I've been avoiding Jasper and Edward like the plague for fear of them feeling my emotions and hearing my thoughts respectively. The entire family knows that something is up with me but they are letting me have my space in hopes of me working out whatever it is that is bothering me.

So here I sit alone in my dark bedroom cradling one of the few things I have left from my human life that I actually remember with fond memories. She's absolutely beautiful, my little porcelain doll. She has blonde curls and vivid blue eyes and she looks almost exactly like I did as a human and I can't help but wonder if Emmett and I had a daughter would she look anything like me or would she look more like Emmett.

I remember clinging to the memory of my precious baby doll as vehemently as I did with the memories of what Royce and his friends did to me during my transformation. Edward must have seen in my thoughts and memories how much she meant to me so he went and retrieved her from my parents' home before I awoke to my new life. I've cherished her my entire undead life and you can tell. She's missing a little bit of hair here and there, her once pristine white dress is now a dull gray and she has a crack on her left arm. Esme saw her once and suggested that I take her to someone who specialized in restoration but I could not bear the thought of her leaving my side or the thought that through some crazy mishap I would lose her forever. So she sits on every dresser I've had on a satin pillow in a place of honor.

As I peer down into her vivid blue eyes that were so very similar to my violet ones in my human life I finally let the jealousy, rage, hate and sadness wash over me in a vengeance. I can feel the venom pooling in my eyes and I wished for the release that actually being able to shed the venom filled tears would provide but they never came so I did the only thing I could think of and threw my head back and let out a blood curdling scream that would have woken the dead. I don't know how long I screamed for before the tearless sobs took over my body. I know it probably took my entire family to hold Emmett back from coming up here but I'm sure Edward and Jasper made Em realize that I needed this and I truly did. I finally realized what it is that I needed to do.

I stood up from the chaise lounge, took my wedding ring off and gently placed it on the nightstand with my baby doll, grabbed something from my dresser and leapt out of the window of our room into the moonlit forest. I ran as fast as I could to a clearing I had found a couple of days ago and came to a stop next to a tarp wrapped bin full of dry wood and a can of lighter fluid. I assembled the wood in a close circle around myself and dowsed the wood and my shoes in the lighter fluid. I flicked the cap off of the lighter and rolled my thumb across the roller and smiled the first sincere smile to cross my face in almost two months.

I stared into the dancing yellow and orange flame for just a fraction of a second before I dropped it and followed it's decent with my eyes. When I looked up I saw Emmett burst through the trees and look at me with anguish and horror written across his face. I could hear him yelling and struggling against Jasper, Edward and Carlisle but I couldn't do anything but look at him with the peace and relief I finally felt before everything went black.


End file.
